I didn't used to believe in the concept of "soul mates" two people so perfectly suited for each other that them ending up with someone else would be a travesty to love. I had been wrong too many times. I'd been so sure that this time it was real, was right, was God's design. I began to think more and more that choosing a mate had more to do with my choice than anything else. You meet someone and instead of some cosmic force of God and nature the Lord Himself (being a fan of free will) says, go for it if you want to! I liked this view better because it took the pressure off. There was a thought in the back of my head, a fear really, that if I finally made my decision and settled down that i would shortly after meet the one person the universe and God had destined me for. And I would be doomed to live a life short of the beautiful romance I'd hoped for.
When I met Seth I tried to run in the opposite direction. I was sick of being wrong about the guy. Sick of dating. Of committing. Of having my hopes dashed on sharp rocks. I wanted to wait for a storybook, a chic flick relationship. A relationship so perfect that I couldn't have a doubt in my mind that this was it.
But as I grew up I realized I no longer wanted anything that was fake. Anything that was contrived. I wanted the ugly reality. I wanted a man who was so real and honest that there was no way he was "acting" to get me to love him. I knew Seth so well I hoped it would be him. I didn't have some romantic notion about him being perfect. I liked it. I also had an immense amount of respect for him as a person.
He is the kind of guy that men revere, that grown men turn to for advice. The kind of man that is proceeded by a pastor who says he appreciates him. He's the kind of guy that past girlfriends can't say an ill word of. He was first and foremost the best, most faithful friend I had ever had.
So I married him. I made a choice. I prayed, I asked God if this is what He wanted. He said that it was my choice. And that it would be hard, (marriage to Seth that is). And the He would be with me in it and we would be blessed.
I must say that not having a clear "yes" or "no" about the this infinitesimally important decision was not fun for me. But I knew that I loved Seth more than I had ever loved anyone. I knew He loved God with the same devotion and fervor that I did. I knew we had sparks. Chemistry. Fun. And when it wasn't fun we had solid friendship and made decisions well together. Worked well together. So in the end I married a man by choice, not by destiny. But what has happened since we got married over a year ago is curious. I began to think that not only was this God's perfect design, (for Seth and I to marry) but that Seth and I were truly made for each other. Soul mate seems like the perfect description for the kind of melding we have together. The kind of magic that happens when we're together.
Not everyday is easy. Quite the contrary. We live far below the poverty line (in US standards). We stress from week to week about bills. We get our feelings hurt. We get mad at each other. We don't always agree. But there is a rhythm to our life, our communication and our marriage that is the heart beat to our song. The most beautiful sonnet I've ever heard. A life I couldn't have imagined. It's too beautiful for words...
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Gift of Rain
I sat in my living room lit by a dull grey from the window. The clouds were think and the house gloomy. I went into my tiny rectangular kitchen to find the sink full of dishes from the night before. I proceeded to transfer them to the dishwasher. Something about the lightbulb in the kitchen kept me going. I brush cleaned the sink, the counters, the stove. I glanced begrudgingly at the rubbish bin. A full bag of trash, (my husbands job to take out). But i didn't want to look at it a moment longer, and he'd be gone for hours. I lugged the bag full of old food clippings, papers and such out my front door.
As I proceeded down the three flights of steps. I stopped on the landing halfway down. There were three beer bottles that had been an eyesore for a week. I quickly proceeded to add them to my load. When I was about to be greeted by the outside I noticed the last two steps of my journey to the sidewalk were soaked. The wood looked slick with rainwater.
I managed not to slip as I carefully maneuvered down in my flip flops with the trash bag and my little pregnant belly.
I've never been afraid of a little rain and I wasn't about to bring my trash back up to rot. As I walked along the sidewalk to the dumpster I remembered again how much I love rain. There was always something so cleansing and romantic, so pure and perfect about a rainy day.
I felt the gentle spray peppering my arms. I watched as the huge green trees on the other side of the chain link fence blew gently in a soft wind. The sound of rain drops masked any other. Everything felt quiet. As I looked out into the car park it seemed, no one was going anywhere. There was not another soul.
I heard a familiar bird watching me from the trees. It's soft song elated my spirits. I dumped my load in with the other garbage. I took my time as I moseyed back up to my building. I noted the soft pitter patter of rain drops making puddles in the dips in the sidewalk. The cool rain drops on my skin and the general feeling of the world being blanketed and washed. The smell of rain is something I've always loved... That fresh earthy smell like green is growing greener. I took all this in, in a matter of moments and then I felt two feelings unmistakably present.
Peace and Gratitude.
The peace was surrounding me, incasing me in a soft warm blanket of stillness. Steadiness.
And the gratitude, it welt up within me like a mountain stream. I found myself thanking my creator for giving me such a beautiful morning as to be in His creation during a little rain.
I loved every moment.
It's rather remarkable how my creator can change a mundane task like, taking out the trash, into a gloriously magical moment. But He always has. When I was a girl I remember picking up the mail from the mailbox at the end of my parents' property. They have a long driveway that passes by a pond and over a creek on its' way to the mail box across the street. This task took a few minutes and I always cherished it. It meant I got to spend time alone with Jesus in His creation, to feel His peace and joy and still myself from the stresses of the day, whatever those were.
There are so many gifts we've been given everyday. They are free gifts. We have to do nothing to receive them. All we need to do is look, in order to receive them.
It takes a looking of the spirit. A longing for it.
And we have to stop thinking about our own worries, long enough to accept them. But if you'll look for a gift everyday. An experience. A word. Something special, even small...
I promise you, you'll find it. My God is that good. You might even find it in the rain.
As I proceeded down the three flights of steps. I stopped on the landing halfway down. There were three beer bottles that had been an eyesore for a week. I quickly proceeded to add them to my load. When I was about to be greeted by the outside I noticed the last two steps of my journey to the sidewalk were soaked. The wood looked slick with rainwater.
I managed not to slip as I carefully maneuvered down in my flip flops with the trash bag and my little pregnant belly.
I've never been afraid of a little rain and I wasn't about to bring my trash back up to rot. As I walked along the sidewalk to the dumpster I remembered again how much I love rain. There was always something so cleansing and romantic, so pure and perfect about a rainy day.
I felt the gentle spray peppering my arms. I watched as the huge green trees on the other side of the chain link fence blew gently in a soft wind. The sound of rain drops masked any other. Everything felt quiet. As I looked out into the car park it seemed, no one was going anywhere. There was not another soul.
I heard a familiar bird watching me from the trees. It's soft song elated my spirits. I dumped my load in with the other garbage. I took my time as I moseyed back up to my building. I noted the soft pitter patter of rain drops making puddles in the dips in the sidewalk. The cool rain drops on my skin and the general feeling of the world being blanketed and washed. The smell of rain is something I've always loved... That fresh earthy smell like green is growing greener. I took all this in, in a matter of moments and then I felt two feelings unmistakably present.
Peace and Gratitude.
The peace was surrounding me, incasing me in a soft warm blanket of stillness. Steadiness.
And the gratitude, it welt up within me like a mountain stream. I found myself thanking my creator for giving me such a beautiful morning as to be in His creation during a little rain.
I loved every moment.
It's rather remarkable how my creator can change a mundane task like, taking out the trash, into a gloriously magical moment. But He always has. When I was a girl I remember picking up the mail from the mailbox at the end of my parents' property. They have a long driveway that passes by a pond and over a creek on its' way to the mail box across the street. This task took a few minutes and I always cherished it. It meant I got to spend time alone with Jesus in His creation, to feel His peace and joy and still myself from the stresses of the day, whatever those were.
There are so many gifts we've been given everyday. They are free gifts. We have to do nothing to receive them. All we need to do is look, in order to receive them.
It takes a looking of the spirit. A longing for it.
And we have to stop thinking about our own worries, long enough to accept them. But if you'll look for a gift everyday. An experience. A word. Something special, even small...
I promise you, you'll find it. My God is that good. You might even find it in the rain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)