Stay at Home Mom

I have a desire to be the ideal housewife, a modern day June Cleaver. A woman with a well kept house and happy children. But my desire isn't strong enough to get me motivated. I only have one child, but between changings, feedings and comforting him, I am either eating, sleeping or trying to relax. I rarely find myself with the extra energy needed to clean. I put away dishes. I pick up. But I rarely do laundry, vacuum or dust. It's easy to condemn myself for NOT being June Cleaver. Or for not living up to my own hallow expectations. But self disappointment isn't profitable. I will end up feeling inadequate if I focus on what I didn't have time for. In stead, I must find joy in spending time with my baby and remember that he is my priority, my house is not. The problem is, that it is much easier to relax and enjoy myself in a clean environment. Finding the balance is the key. I love spending time with my son, as long as I keep that in sight, everything else grows dim in comparison. Relearning to enjoy my day with this new little person, and changing my expectations for myself is my new adventure.

I Dance

I move fluid, feeling the music surge through my body, like light shooting out my finger tips. I glow.
My feet feel the floor and become one with stability. I balance. When leaping I feel the floor is leaving me; I am not leaving it. I fly. I reach to the edges of my heart and soul through my finger tips and toes. I express my feelings. My whole self is thrown into the music, becoming an instrument itself. I sing. I spin and shoot across the floor. I travel. Some steps I know and choose into, others my body remembers. I create. As if a powerful wind takes charge I am thrown unto the floor and dipping, I come up again. I roll. Like the waves of the sea I dance up towards the sky, and down towards the earth. I want to be dynamic as my limbs weave in and out from my center. I use the space. My every desire is expressed in deeper ways than words can tell. My heart meets the beat of the music and tells the story. I speak. Every whimsical note tingles through my every part.
I stop and breathe, my breath is heavy and my eyes are closed. My heart feels free, flying, soaring above all trouble. I am in step with my self, at peace in my soul, and one with God and his creation.
I am new.
As if I've been drenched by a waterfall, I feel clean. All the stresses of life have fallen, now heavy, to the ground.  And every time I wonder, why don't I do this more often?

That is how I feel, when I dance.